Lessons from Metrosexuals

A few years ago the mextrosexual phenomena was born. Grown men co-opting the rituals of females and shouting from the roof-tops that pruning of eye-brows was on the same masculine level as skinning a bear and wearing the hide as a coat. The Edge 1997.

I will admit that I was one of the first to show scowl and eyes of disgust to the immaculately maintained males. I was born into a household where masculinity was defined by calloused hands and pelt on chest. We only shaved our face to separate oneself from beast. Barely.

As many of my fellow men continued their verbal crusade against the metrosexual, I decided it was high time to study this societal curiosity. What I did notice is that their females were highly groomed and maintained. Archimedes smiled down upon me.

The metrosexuals inadvertently inspired their female’s behavior by appealing to a primal female programing: always attempt to one-up.

If you look at a group of girls they are always attempting to outdo the other. Prom Syndrome. Hot girls create hot girls because they are in constant competition with each other.  If one girl gives you a lot of attention it is guaranteed her friend or another girl will give you even more attention to outdo the previous.

For a long time I believed that this was only applicable to females. How could a man inspire a girl to be better by simply being a man. The only option a man had was to inspire jealousy in a female through another female.

Then from the heavens Prometheus returned and through metrosexuals gave a new gift to man.

Inspire jealousy in your female simply by being a better specimen than she is.

If you want her to dress better, to ditch the Uggs and sweats then you must outdo her. A girl always wants to shine next to her man, make her exhume doldrums and watch her wardrobe become awe-inspiring.

Do everything in your power to become a better more enviable example. If she ignores your ascension there is only one verdict: she does not worry about losing you or appearing raggedy in your presence. Disrespectful. Unacceptable.

Here are a few tidbits to inspire your female to inspire her to be on your level. [This is for a girl that you are dating, have noticed that she has stopped trying to appear at the pinnacle of her abilities and you still like her. Otherwise I would suggest to evacuate and on to the next one.]

1. Before washing yourself with soap or body wash, scrub your skin with plain white sugar. Do this in the water and do not fear the syrup that will be created. Washing yourself with sugar will make your skin soft as well as exfoliate to create unblemished flesh. This is due to the coarseness of the sugar crystals.

Do not wash your face with white sugar. If you want to soften your face use brown sugar, however the weathered look is something I would strive for.

2. Wash your teeth with a bristle brush. I personally feel that my teeth are getting a deeper cleaning with natural bristles, however this is not the point of washing your teeth with one.  Females go through your belongings, especially in the bathroom where they have privacy. Having a natural bristle brush will raise questions and have her ponder exactly why you have such a specialized piece of grooming material.

3. Before going to bed dab your lips in olive oil. This will make them soft. She will notice. Her mind will go into overdrive and she will begin to wonder if hers are as well.

4. Most importantly point out what you hate in other girls. Discuss your dislike in the footwear a girl is walking to the tacky hairband. Many girls believe that men are oblivious to anything on a girl beyond face, tits, ass, and legs. Show her that this thought process is wrong. Have her wonder whether you offer eyes of appreciation or judgment.

Ignore the liberal feel good, let us all live on rainbows and eat moon pies drivel; that you should like your partner for who they are and not what they look like.  No.

Metrosexuals without knowing were inspiring their females to compete with them and in the process created a girl that went above and beyond the average girl. It is with heavy heart I begrudgingly offer them respect for enlightening me.

Remember everything in moderation. Soft skin is only acceptable if your body has been forged in the fires of physical training and strict dietary regime.  Soft lips only on a visage of steely gaze and veins of ice.

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